Friday, May 15, 2009

Yes, Im alive, I THINK

Ok, so where do i start!? This is going to be a really rough post, and im not even going to correct my spelling, as i cant be Stuffed....

So, Its been like 3 months since my last post, and well... im still losing weight! Even though i SHOULD be putting it on! I am 4 months preggers... I was so excited to hear this... and thats all i ever wanted... And then my world turned to shit!!!

My husband decided that he was No longer in love with me, and that he did not know what he wanted. All he knew, was that he wanted some space. And just wants to be friends...

I have no idea where to go from here! I am lost, and heart broken and everything in between, plus more. As you could imagine, i am just fucked.

I dont know if i keep the baby! I was booked in for a termination the other day. We arrived, had my scan, booked in, and then waited. They then told me that i was too far, and they could not carry out the procedure! I was lost for words....

The whole reason we considered this, was due to the freaking hospital calling me and telling me that there is a 1 in 100 chance that the baby could have spina bifida. SHIT! So, we went and had a proper scan, and the baby is very healthy! Its a little girl...

BUT, i dont think i can raise a baby by my self! I am so lost! I miss my husband so much!

Im giving him his space, and seeing where that takes us... and all i can do right now, is try and be positive for me & my baby girl.... (ps her name is Poppi).

SO, yea, thats my life for the past 3 months...

Oh, and i fit into a size 14 jeans... YAY! But there is a whole baby bump there!

Take care and hope you are all going well... :)

Gems & Poppi.